warm words

so....

2009-09-29T16:42:00.000-07:00

I have this job that is full of...
drudgery.
It is boring work...
that's what it's boiled down to.

I am cornered as they are laying people off.
and I'm sure at this point
that I'm on a list somewhere.

I have to take a break from what i'm doing...
because it's hard to concentrate on this crap for a full 8 hours.

And when I'm off work...
I spread my wings and fly

and take pictures
and make videos
and play with photo imaging software
and design blog themes
and help people out online...
and write...
and dream...
and be me.

the j.o.b. doesn't have the essence of me

sacrifice

2009-09-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

sacrifice is such a silly thing
I do
when I'm so seriously in love.
sometimes, though,
I find myself in love all by myself...

the guy isn't interested in the least.

I don't think of myself;
I think of him;
I worry about his health;
I worry that he's okay.
I worry he needs new underwear
or should have a home cooked meal
or that he has a fever...
and needs me to take care of him.
I dream of him...
and what it felt like to have him there
what he smelled like
what he felt like when I put my arms around him...
what his arms felt like
what his skin felt like
what his face felt like
what his lips felt like
ooohhh I should stop that.

what I felt like when I first laid eyes on him...
my heart lept out of my chest and I thought it was going to explode.

Yes, I still yearn for him...
Yes, even lust for him.

And what does he do?
Ignores me...

I should really obsess over somebody who gives a shit.
that would be a good new start

some days I wonder

2009-09-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

in a stream of consciousness
I wonder what it's like in Egypt now that they've killed the pigs.
I wonder what it was like before they killed the pigs;
I gather there was not as much garbage as there is now...
and that the reason
they killed
the pigs
is because of the swine flu scare.
Now...
they have an even bigger problem...

And no swine flu epidemic.

I wonder what it was like in Cuba
when Castro ran on a platform of "change"
and proceeded to do to Cuba
what Obama is doing here in the US.
What did the Cubans do in response, I wonder?
I know some of them escaped.
And came...
to America.

But for us...
there is nowhere to turn.

America is
"it".

That really bothers me.

America is the last hope for the world...
the bastion of freedom
that people of depended on for over a hundred years.

The last bastion of freedom
is being choked to death
by clueless elitists
who've never had a real job.

Some days I wonder
how a rich elitist like Barack Obama
can let his brother starve in a shack
on a few dollars a year
and do nothing...
while claiming he believes in
redistribution of wealth.

It's really redistribution of MY wealth...
he wants to keep his own money in his pocket...
and spread my money
to the criminal tax dodgers in Congress
and their special interests,
and unions.

All of this makes it hard to sleep at night...
while the hammer is hanging over my head...
and I'm waiting for it to drop.

so...they worked all night because India is Islamic

2009-09-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

The usual people worked all night, which isn't always the case. But the reason was that India celebrates Ramadan and they were off for Ramadan. It was a national holiday, India was off celebrating Ramadan...so the few people that are left in the US had to put their schedules aside and work.

It struck me as odd; I've been seeing a lot more women with headscarves around, but now I have another perspective.

America is shipping work to India and the muslims and laying off Americans. Because India's labor is cheaper. And of course, they are benefiting from the riches of the capitalist country that can afford to pay them more than they have made in the past.

But how long can that last while Obama is destroying capitalism and recreating it according to the Dreams of Billy Ayers and his Kenyan Socialist Economist Father?

from out of the blue

2009-09-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

from out of the blue,
he called.
He'd made certain
I couldn't respond...
his callback number was nonexistent
and he said in a message
"you don't love me anymore...
but I still love you..."
and then he was gone.
Emails were of no avail;
and it was the only way I could reach him...
And it was a strange way
to say
good-bye
It came from
out of the blue

breathless

2009-09-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

I knew he wanted me
his interest in my every need
was keen and clear
his compassion deep
his touch gentle
yet...
questioning.
Did I want him, too?
He seemed to ask
With every longing gaze
he looked
into my eyes...
I could feel the query
his tender softness
washes over me
as he sweetly whispers
thoughtfulness
that grabs and turns my heart
circumstances leave me irritated
yet this is none of his doing.
These are merely temporary;
situations;
yet I am tormented
by them
Still...
he waits
with loving arms
and a warmth
and tenderness
I've never known-
a strength
a hesitation
as though
he asks my permission
and places my need
above his own
He never forces his will on me
and for this and so many other things he does...
I love him so.
In the end...
it is worth it
because he always leaves me
breathless

Saint Crispins Day

2004-10-13T17:01:00.000-07:00

If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.
'Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.
'Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
Make him a member of the gentry, even if he is a commoner.
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

Before the Battle of Agincourt,25 October 1415
ShakespeareHenry V, Act 4, Scene 3

The Power Of A Dog

2004-10-12T02:53:00.000-07:00

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store.
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
By a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart for a dog to tear.
When the 14 years which
Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or humour or fits
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or leaded guns.
Then you will find ~ it's your own affair
But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear.
When the body that lived at your single will.
With its whisper of welcome, is stilled (how still)
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone ~when it goes ~ for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.
We've sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay,
Our loves are not given, but only lent.
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long,
So why in Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?
~By Rudyard Kipling

Trees

2004-10-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

THINK that I shall never see

A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest

Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

~Joyce Kilmer 1886~1918

Longing

2004-10-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.
Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me.
Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth.
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say — My love! why sufferest thou?
Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.
~Matthew Arnold (1822 ~ 1888)

Dreams Come True

2004-10-11T16:07:00.000-07:00

Without the music it is no less poignant

What if i told you it was all meant to be?
Would you believe me? Would you agree?
Its almost that feeling that we've met before
so tell me that you dont think im crazy
when i tell you love has come here and now
a moment like this
some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
some people search forever for that one special kiss
oh i cant believe its happening to me
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this
Everything changes but beauty remains
something so tender i cant explain
i may be dreaming but until i awake cant we make this dream last forever?
and ill cherish all the love we share
a moment like this
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this
some people search forever for that one special kiss
oh i cant believe its happeneing to me
some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
could this be the greatest love of all?
i wanna know that you will catch me when i fall
so let me tell you this...
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this..a moment like this
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this
some people search forever for that one special kiss
oh i cant believe its happeneing to me
some people wait a lifetime for a moment, a moment like this...
oh i cant believe its happening to me..
some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this..